PERFECT PARENT
Over the last 10 years, the 'swimming parent' - that person living through their child and obsessed with their success; stopping at nothing to ensure that their little treasure reaches that potential which they are positive exists, has become almost the epitome of all that is evil. In reality, however, 99% of swimming parents are exactly the opposite. So I have decided to take an in depth look at those 'swimming parents from hell' and attempt to answer those questions most frequently asked of a swimming coach.
- What should parents expect from their child?
- What are reasonable expectations of a swimming coach?
- How can parents best encourage and maximise a young swimmers enjoyment of, and achievement in swimming?
Parents of new swimmers usually have little idea of what they are letting themselves in for! When people see Mrs Perkins and Mrs Hackett on the TV screen, weeping for joy and pride after watching their sons win Olympic gold and break world records, most say something like, "Oh"! They are so lucky to have such talented sons like that!" What they don't realise is that both ladies are probably suffering form terminal exhaustion and self-inflicted poverty. Both have committed themselves to driving their sons to the pool at 4.00a.m. every morning for the last ten years, and thriftily managing the housekeeping to pay for the never-ending sustagen, coaching and physiotherapy bills! And these are the lucky ones whose offspring made it through the ranks of State Championships, Age Nationals, Open Nationals, injury and illness to the top of the elite tree! What of the hundreds of thousands of devoted parents who suffer the same early mornings and expenses, for the multitude who never make it to the top? It is not the glamorous life that people make it out to be, believe me! My own mother openly states that if she had her time over again, she wouldn't allow me to take a bath, let alone swimming lessons!
Becoming a swimming parent is, in many respects, like entering an entirely new culture! Words like 'splits', 'feet on wall' and 'dying in a race' or 'lactates' can be very intimidating. Some new parents like to assume that they know what is going on ~ "Oh! Sarah had a split of 33 feet on wall, then died and had a lactate of 12" "Did she - Oh that's marvellous, well Bill came third, but he touched the wall with his hands and I bloody well hope he's not lactating!"
Seriously though, it is extremely difficult for new parents to pick up all the jargon, and to know exactly how much input to have in their child's progress. In short, because there is no instruction manual entitled "How to Become a Perfect Swimming Parent" it's a rough road ahead.
Parents of swimmers should be both an anchor and a stabilising force in their child's swimming careers. Over the years parental attitudes and actions will have a profound effect o the degree of satisfaction the swimmer derives from his or her sport. Through involvement in your child's swimming, assisting the swimming club whenever possible, and always striving to ensure that the sport is a positive experience, you can be sure that your child will gain the most from his or her sport.
The coach-parent relationship is often quite precarious, with parents uncertain as to quite how much input they should have. Coaches can seem intimidating, even domineering at times. Parents need to realise that coaches want, expect and hope that the swimming experience will benefit not only the swimmer but the swimmer-parent relationship as well. Coaches, however, to their detriment, are not always adept at showing their desire for 'parental growth' and the quality and degree of parental education offered by coaches varies from excellent to less than adequate. Suffice to say that a coach's best ally in their efforts to develop a swimmer is a well-educated parent. Conversely, a certain path to failure with a swimmer is to be negligent in educating and informing the parent as to exactly what the coach is trying to achieve. Ideally, it should be a team - the coach, the swimmer and the parent working in unison for the benefit of the swimmer. This does not necessarily mean that the coach is always right. The coach deals with primarily one aspect of the child, his sport. The parent on the other hand deals with the child on every level - health, growth, school, sport, social, extra curricula activities etc and is the person ultimately responsible for ensuring that a balanced lifestyle is maintained. No child will win the Olympic games at the age of 12, and no amount of training will alter this. Only one male in the history of the world has ever won a World Championship at the age of 15.
Some swimmers reach their peak in their late teens, many not until early adulthood and beyond. Parents need to ensure that their child has the time to be just that - A CHILD, and experience a wide range of activities. Training 11 times a week at the age of 12 or 13 makes it incredibly difficult for a child to have a balanced lifestyle. Personally I believe that school should be the major emphasis up to year 12, by which age a swimmer has the maturity to identify their talent, or lack of it. At this age with the pressures of secondary schooling behind them, swimmers can concentrate on swimming, with the knowledge that when they retire they have a secondary or tertiary education to fall back on. Children can still be very successful at swimming during their age group years without training to the extreme. After all a swimmer can only get so fit!
Responsible parents discuss these issues with their child and their child's coach and together, as a team, find balance that will enable success in a number of areas - sport, education, socially, musically, etc.
I spent a substantial amount of time identifying the traits of successful and non-successful swimming parents. Hopefully this should give new parents some ideas as to decoding the swimming language and culture and a guide to a successful swimmer, parent and coach relationship.
Swimming parents you are beautiful when:
- You cheer for lots of swimmers who are not your own
- You ask your swimmer "What did the coach say?"
- You play up the importance of team activities such as relays
- You help new parents gain perspective on the sport
- You work ten-hour days helping at swimming meets and then want to know where the team function is
- You drive car pools on routes that would make a cab driver crazy
- You help run team raffles car washes garage sales and more for fund raising purposes
- You realise that you as the swimming parent are there to offer comfort and reward and the coach offers constructive criticism
- You realise that no 'one swimmer ' is important and it is the whole picture that matters
- You remind your child that talent is genetic but that effort is your own
- You know that there is nothing heavier to carry than a great potential
- You realise that coaches also make mistakes and feel badly for them
- You realise that every child can be a winner if you know that winning is doing your best
Unfortunately, you are not so beautiful when:
- You think that every swim will be a best time or a first place
- You say, "You didn't try!"
- You say, "It's only a relay!"
- You only converse about your own swimmer to other parents
- You bring a stop watch to training
- You talk to your child during training
- You view the swimming group as a gossip machine
- You interrupt the coach during training
- You are a bigger show at swim meets than the athletes
- Your ego is involved in the progress of the child
- You demand as much of the coach's time as your child
In conclusion, all parents will exhibit some traits from each of the categories. That's O.K, because just like coaches, you are at your most beautiful when you are trying to recognise problems, trying to learn, trying to grow and trying to become better swim parents and trying to do what is in the best interest of your child. That is what swimming is all about 'growing in wisdom'.
Parents could do much worse than to use the National Bank's motto as their own:
The majority of parent's first place their children in swimming lessons for enjoyment, safety and personal fulfillment - need I say more?
